Reflections after a hospital visit

I sit on a stool next to her bed

She clings to my hand

Desperate

As if my hand is the key to her pain leaving

She cries out with tears in her eyes “Jishu Jishu”

I cry out too Jesus Jesus take away her pain

She reaches her hand out to the small crucifix

and says Jesus how much more difficulty will you give me

and I too echo her prayer God, how much more?

Cancer on top of all the other abuse pain and trauma

Yet she still has hope and she still trusts

Trust and hope in the God who is with

Jishu

She asks me to pray as I say goodbye

What to say? what to ask?

God of pain, God of brokenness,

God who is with, God in solidarity

Be in the pain, be in the brokenness,

Be with,

Part of me says take her now

Let the pain end she has had enough

Part of me says give us a miracle

I don’t want to lose another

Part of me says

Let me have a hope and faith like hers

In the end I say not much

But I know that in the hand holding

In the stroking of her few wisps of hair

She knows she is loved,

Loved not just by me but also a whole community

And most of all she knows she is loved by God

God who is with

Jishu

This day

This week has been full.
Full in more ways than I could imagine
I had a to - do list that covered more than two pages in my diary
I had to finish up work with our trainees
and prepare everything for our new trainees

This week was full and as I walked into today (Friday) I was tired
I had not been sleeping well the last few nights
I didn't want to walk into this day with so much left to do
I even said, can I just hide under the covers and pretend like today isn't happening and hope all my work gets done by magic

Well I am glad I walked into today
Today I got to celebrate with 7 trainees as they graduated from training and into full production
I remember when I first met with them
They were shy, there was brokenness in their eyes, stories untold
They said to me..... can I do this?
And I said you can.....

Today they laughed
There was joy, we ate cake, we celebrated
Freedom

And in the midst of this day of celebration
I sat with each of these 7 women to have one last check in
They each told me more about there past
Sold at 13
Raped
Abused
Abandoned
Unloved
Ruined

And as I sat and heard these stories
This pain
Pain not just a story, but from my sister, my friend
My heart broke

But they all said, now it is different
Hope
New Life
Joy
Freedom

And that is the beauty of walking into this day
The joy and hope of walking this Freedom road together

And on Monday we start again with another group of brave inspiring women ready to begin their Freedom journey.
Most days are pretty crazy, but I have the best job in the world

Sorry

I’m sorry that you were sold at the age of three

I’m sorry that all you know of life is pain and brokenness

I’m sorry that you feel the need to be constantly numb

I’m sorry that I can't take away your pain

I’m sorry that I can’t fix you

I’m sorry that you don’t yet know the God who is with you

I’m sorry that you feel alone

I’m sorry that you don’t know true love

I’m sorry that your world is filled with suffering

I’m sorry that all has not been made right yet

I’m sorry, but this is my commitment

I will keep loving you

I will keep walking along side you

I will keep hoping for you

I will keep pointing you to the God who is with you