Reflections after a hospital visit

I sit on a stool next to her bed

She clings to my hand

Desperate

As if my hand is the key to her pain leaving

She cries out with tears in her eyes “Jishu Jishu”

I cry out too Jesus Jesus take away her pain

She reaches her hand out to the small crucifix

and says Jesus how much more difficulty will you give me

and I too echo her prayer God, how much more?

Cancer on top of all the other abuse pain and trauma

Yet she still has hope and she still trusts

Trust and hope in the God who is with

Jishu

She asks me to pray as I say goodbye

What to say? what to ask?

God of pain, God of brokenness,

God who is with, God in solidarity

Be in the pain, be in the brokenness,

Be with,

Part of me says take her now

Let the pain end she has had enough

Part of me says give us a miracle

I don’t want to lose another

Part of me says

Let me have a hope and faith like hers

In the end I say not much

But I know that in the hand holding

In the stroking of her few wisps of hair

She knows she is loved,

Loved not just by me but also a whole community

And most of all she knows she is loved by God

God who is with

Jishu

This day

This week has been full.
Full in more ways than I could imagine
I had a to - do list that covered more than two pages in my diary
I had to finish up work with our trainees
and prepare everything for our new trainees

This week was full and as I walked into today (Friday) I was tired
I had not been sleeping well the last few nights
I didn't want to walk into this day with so much left to do
I even said, can I just hide under the covers and pretend like today isn't happening and hope all my work gets done by magic

Well I am glad I walked into today
Today I got to celebrate with 7 trainees as they graduated from training and into full production
I remember when I first met with them
They were shy, there was brokenness in their eyes, stories untold
They said to me..... can I do this?
And I said you can.....

Today they laughed
There was joy, we ate cake, we celebrated
Freedom

And in the midst of this day of celebration
I sat with each of these 7 women to have one last check in
They each told me more about there past
Sold at 13
Raped
Abused
Abandoned
Unloved
Ruined

And as I sat and heard these stories
This pain
Pain not just a story, but from my sister, my friend
My heart broke

But they all said, now it is different
Hope
New Life
Joy
Freedom

And that is the beauty of walking into this day
The joy and hope of walking this Freedom road together

And on Monday we start again with another group of brave inspiring women ready to begin their Freedom journey.
Most days are pretty crazy, but I have the best job in the world

Sorry

I’m sorry that you were sold at the age of three

I’m sorry that all you know of life is pain and brokenness

I’m sorry that you feel the need to be constantly numb

I’m sorry that I can't take away your pain

I’m sorry that I can’t fix you

I’m sorry that you don’t yet know the God who is with you

I’m sorry that you feel alone

I’m sorry that you don’t know true love

I’m sorry that your world is filled with suffering

I’m sorry that all has not been made right yet

I’m sorry, but this is my commitment

I will keep loving you

I will keep walking along side you

I will keep hoping for you

I will keep pointing you to the God who is with you

Let your Kingdom come

So over the last few months I have been processing all that living life here means.
I have been working through the idea of what a loving God amongst a community of pain brokenness and despair looks like. I have been working through what the now but not yet looks like in my community.
As part of that process I wrote a prayer which I would love to share

God we are waiting here
Surrounded by darkness and despair
I get down on my knees and beg
Let Your Kingdom come

Day to day I see Your presence
but I am left dissatisfied
We need more of You
Let Your Kingdom come

I trust in Your grace and mercy
but how is it real for
the girl who sells herself night after night
Let Your Kingdom come

I know my faith is weak
and there is much I don't understand
but my heart is broken so I will continue to pray
Let Your Kingdom come

A Glimpse of Hope

It has been a couple of months since my last blog and yes I could say I have been too busy to write, but the reality is that I was tired of writing about sadness, brokenness and despair.

I had no stories of joy to share. I had become overwhelmed by the darkness I saw, so much so that I could not see through it to the light.

But last weekend I caught a glimpse of light. It was more than a glimpse it was a shining ray of hope.
Last weekend I had the privilege of interviewing a potential new girl. We interview not to determine if they get a job but more to better understand their circumstances so we can holistically work towards their freedom.

Lets call this new girl Asha.
Asha has an Aunty who works in the red light area but Asha was from Murshidabad, the village where we are hoping to start a prevention unit.
Asha and her family are poor and could not afford the day to day needs so were sending Asha to work in the red light area. Asha was going to be sacrificed so the rest of the family could survive. This is an all to common story.

But Asha's story doesn't end here.

She met two of the people I work with before she began her life in the sex trade. She was offered a job with us instead of having to sell her body.
As the realisation of what was happening hit Asha's mother she cried.
She cried with joy in the knowledge that her daughter was going to have a chance at life.
Asha never has to know the horrors of what happens in the red light area.
She has been offered her freedom before her dignity has been stripped away.
These are the stories of light and hope that burst through the darkness and despair.
This is what we are about
There will be more of my friends who suffer, there will be more heartache, there will be moments where I cry out asking where is God, there will be moments when I cannot see the goodness of God; but in this moment I see it.
I see God at work in our community, I see His intervention, and so I will hold on to this when all I see is darkness. I will look into the faces of our nearly 200 girls and hold on to that hope.

Yesterday Asha had her first day at work.
Oh what joy and hope she represents

A Life to Remember

This post comes after much thought about how to describe the death of one of my friends who worked with us.

Her death is not the sum total of her life, there was more to her than that. She had joy, she had a faith, she was loved, and she loved.

The days before she died were very precious and special. We laughed together, we cried together, we talked about when she would come back to work, we prayed together.

The day she died was a hard day, but a beautiful day. On that day we gathered as a community/ a family we shared stories about her, we cried, we laughed. The thing I remember most about that day is the way I was looked after by others from our community. They, having known I had been at the hospital brought me sweet tea to drink. My close friend who doesn't work with us, came so she could support me as I supported her when her brother died. These things are beautiful.

The days following were difficult, we were feeling sad, angry, guilty; but we gathered together we prayed and we supported each other.

Beautiful girl
Loved and cherished, it's a shame you did not understand.
Beautiful girl
Mother, wife, sister, friend, there is so much you have left behind
Beautiful girl
We will miss your cheeky smile, your infectious laugh
Beautiful girl
How we have grieved your loss
Beautiful girl
You taught me so much
Beautiful girl
We miss you

The Remedy

Came across this song on my Itunes today and thought the lyrics by David Crowder Band were good enough to share.

Here we are
Here we are
The broken and used
Mistreated, abused
Here we are

Here You are
Here You are
The beautiful one
Who came like a Son
Here You are

So we lift up our voices
We open our hands
To cling to the love
That we can’t comprehend

Oh, lift up your voices
And lift up your heads
To sing of the love
That has freed us from sin

He is the one
Who has saved us
He is the one
Who embraced us
He is the one who has come
And is coming again
He’s the remedy

Here we are
Here we are
Bandaged and bruised
Awaiting a cure
Here we are

Here You are
Here You are
Our beautiful King
Bringing relief
Here You are with us

So we lift up our voices
And open our hands
Let go of the things
That have kept us from Him

He is the one
Who has saved us
He is the one
Who forgave us
He is the one who has come
And is coming again
He’s the remedy


Oh, I can’t comprehend
I can’t take it all in
Never understand
Such perfect love come
For the broken and beat
For the wounded and weak
Oh, come fall at His feet
He’s the remedy
He’s the remedy

So sing, sing

You are the one
Who has saved us
You are the one
Who forgave us
You are the one who has come
And is coming again
To make it alright
Oh, to make it alright
You’re the remedy
Oh, in us
You’re the remedy