Reflections after a hospital visit

I sit on a stool next to her bed

She clings to my hand

Desperate

As if my hand is the key to her pain leaving

She cries out with tears in her eyes “Jishu Jishu”

I cry out too Jesus Jesus take away her pain

She reaches her hand out to the small crucifix

and says Jesus how much more difficulty will you give me

and I too echo her prayer God, how much more?

Cancer on top of all the other abuse pain and trauma

Yet she still has hope and she still trusts

Trust and hope in the God who is with

Jishu

She asks me to pray as I say goodbye

What to say? what to ask?

God of pain, God of brokenness,

God who is with, God in solidarity

Be in the pain, be in the brokenness,

Be with,

Part of me says take her now

Let the pain end she has had enough

Part of me says give us a miracle

I don’t want to lose another

Part of me says

Let me have a hope and faith like hers

In the end I say not much

But I know that in the hand holding

In the stroking of her few wisps of hair

She knows she is loved,

Loved not just by me but also a whole community

And most of all she knows she is loved by God

God who is with

Jishu